#Which would make the 90 second timer super unforgiving

[cringe-control]

Skyward Sword guardians for sure imo

This isn't a question of 'how likely you are to run into them' which really leaves the question of if it's on the monsters home turf or if you just got randomly locked in a room with them.

If I'm locked in a room with them the order goes 1: SS guardians 2: everything else tied. Redeads, dead hand, and gloom hands are all just going to kill me. Which sucks but at least it's over fairly quickly. On the other hand, the guardians won't kill me. There's a bunch of people who discount them because of that, and think they aren't even on the same threat level as the other three, and you know what? They're right! SS guardians are worse! Because they won't kill you. Just keep you trapped and tormented and constantly on edge until you either escape them (unlikely at best but more probably impossible in an irl scenario, at least for me. I do not have the kind of mental or physical endurance the silent realms require.) or die naturally, if you even can! Them hitting you is described as 'shattering your spirit' and plays the death animation, so I have to assume that it feels like you're dying even if you technically aren't - so really in a situation where I was trapped in a room with them the question would become would you rather die or be stuck in a death loop for eternity or, maybe, if the goddess designed it mercifully, until your heart gives out from the stress and anxiety of repeated deaths and chases? (I suppose its also worth mentioning that in a sufficiently tall room with like, brick walls or anything else I could get a grip on, that Gloom Hands drop to the bottom of the list. Dead hand and redeads would just wait me out, but there would be a solid chance of survival against the gloom hands if I could get up out of their reach since they give up so quickly) If I was in their natural habitat the places line out a bit - 1: SS Guardian - For the reasons stated above - theres pretty much no chance I complete the trial and I don't want to be stuck in a death loop forever 2: Dead Hand - By the time I realized I've encountered it its probably too late to escape and its just going to kill me 3: Redead - Slow moving and usually visible from a distance. It would be absolutely nerve wracking but I'd probably manage to slip past them and escape in most scenarios. It really would depend on the layout of the (presumably cave or catacomb-esk) area I encountered them in, as if the tunnels are narrow enough that you had to go within grabbing distance to duck past the redead to escape then that could pose a significant danger. and 4: Gloom Hands - Pretty much everywhere they spawn in game, or would spawn irl, has Someplace you could climb and wait them out. A wall, a building, a tree, a sufficiently steep hill - it's pretty easy to get out of range and wait these guys out! They're creepy as hell sure, but I genuinely think they pose the least danger to me out of this list.

The sequel:

First poll here <-

[retro-roulette]

Retro Roulette #78: Blast Chamber (PS1, 1996)

Not even the Wu-Tang Clan would dare to enter this chamber.

That’s not true, they totally would. Did you know there’s a Wu-Tang PS1 controller?

Sadly, I don’t have one of these, so I had to use a boring normal one for Blast Chamber, a game that apparently exists. Its developer, Attention to Detail, doesn’t have an especially impressive history - it may be best known for making Cybermorph, the pack-in game for the Atari Jaguar:

That game is...not great. Blast Chamber came a few years later, though, and was published by a still-not-colossal Activision back in 1996, and touts itself as a futuristic sport, of sorts. I’ll let the back of the case explain what’s going on here:

Frickin’ rad. It also has that mid-90s CGI that you all know and love (and by “know and love,” I mean gaaaaahhhh):

So you’ve got a bomb strapped to you. Now what? You have a solid number of options. The game’s seemingly primary mode is its multiplayer, and it is wild. Each player has a countdown in a corner of the screen indicating how much time they have left. Each player also has a ‘station’ that matches their color on various parts of the, uh...blast chamber. There is a constantly re-appearing crystal that you can fight over and take to any one of the stations - taking it to your own gives you more time, while taking it to an opponent’s station takes time away. That’s pretty much it. Here’s what it looks like:

“But wait!”, you might interject. “This is just a big empty room, and some of the stations are on the walls and ceiling!”. Well, that’s where things get really interesting. For you see, all you need to do is hit one of those arrows, and the chamber rotates, sending anyone unprepared falling to the newly oriented ground:

This is, if you’ll pardon my easy, unforgivable pun, a total blast. There are a couple of different multiplayer modes - one is a “free-for-all,” where everyone has relatively short timers and works to die the fewest times. The other is an “elimination” mode where everyone has one life and a larger timer to start. They’re both pretty great.

What impressed me the most about this game, however, was its single-player mode, which is called Solo Survivor. In each level, you have to collect a crystal and make it to your station/exit thingy, all while avoiding a bunch of traps and other obstacles. You’ll have to rotate the room a bunch to get to the exit and/or to drop the crystal to where you can pick it up, and you don’t have a ton of time to do it (remember, there’s a bomb on your back - it’s a sport). These levels aren’t extraordinarily challenging for the most part, but they’re still super fun (and there are a lot of them - 40 in total). You also have a limited number of lives, but can use a memory card or enter a password to keep your progress. All the while, there’s a soothing, disembodied voice to keep you company and remind you to not die.

Wait a second. Big series of test chambers, weird stuff with “physics,” and a monotone female voice reminding you of what to do? Well that sounds like...

Holy crap. 

I’m kind of floored right now. I had absolutely no idea what to expect from Blast Chamber, but I came away very, very pleasantly surprised. I was expecting a Bomberman rip-off, but what I got was something closer to a predecessor of Portal. For a random, unregarded PS1 game, that’s...extraordinary. I need to get some friends together to play this right away. This is a pretty cheap pickup as well, and can be found complete for less than $10. It’s also on the Saturn if you’re weird and into that.

Our next game probably won’t be as good as Blast Chamber, which is a statement I truly never, ever thought I’d make. Honestly it looks pretty rough. Swing next week to see what it is.